Receive

If God placed every single thing I have ever wanted in front of me at this very moment, would I even be ready for it?

This is a question I have been asking myself over and over again lately, and I keep forcing myself to face the reality that I’m really not.

Something I’ve fallen victim to is placing too much trust in just telling myself to trust God’s plan, instead of actively trusting His plan. It’s an easy excuse for me. I didn’t receive a job offer? Trust God’s plan. Things didn’t work with someone? Trust God’s plan. Friends drifting apart? Trust God’s plan. But how am I moving in a way that trusts God’s plan for me?

I’ll be the first to say I’ve had plenty disconnects when it came to my faith in high school and also in college. I began to take on more and more responsibility shifting into adulthood that I relied on myself, my family, and my friends for guidance instead of Him.

Even now this is a habit I’m trying to unlearn. I think we have the tendency to rely so deeply on the world to satisfy us to the point where we believe God won’t fill our voids – whether we want to openly admit that or not. The thing about these voids, though, is they always reroute us back to what we really need most. & For me, this has always been my faith.

I can’t rely solely on telling myself to trust God’s plan, I need to make sure I’m living in a way that translates that saying into my everyday life. I’ve been asking myself lately – how am I moving? Am I preparing myself for everything I pray for? Am I preparing myself for my future career? Am I ready to take on all of these responsibilities? Am I ready to obtain these degrees? Am I preparing myself to be a mother one day? Am I preparing myself to be someone’s wife? Am I really ready for everything I want? Even if I’m not, am I on the right path?

God’s timing is never late for a reason. I remember praying for certain things over and over again, and when I wouldn’t receive them, I would be disappointed. God will never give you anything you’re not prepared for. When we ask for certain things in prayer, it’s not that He isn’t listening. It’s a matter of whether you’re fully ready to receive what He has planned yet or not. He will purposely keep you from receiving what He has planned until He knows you’re equipped to handle it.

I’m guilty of praying for things without being prepared. I’m guilty of moving in ways that aren’t preparing me for everything I want in life. & whenever we do this, life teaches us we’re wrong.

I’ve prayed over and over again for toxic connections to be mended, I’ve prayed for certain opportunities, I’ve prayed for things to play out how I imagine it in my head, and I never knew why God told me no until I realized I wasn’t ready to receive any of it, or I wasn’t ready to receive something out of my capacity. I’ve made the mistake of questioning why things didn’t happen for me when I felt I was prepared for them. I studied for tests, I invested time or money, I loved certain people, I tried time and time again, I prayed.. I prayed, and I still came up short.

The issue was that I didn’t ask God to guide me. I didn’t ask Him to prepare me.. I just asked him to give me what I wanted.

If God were to give me everything I want in life – the family, the responsibilities, the relationships, the careers, etc. in front of me right now, I would not be prepared to accept each one in its entirety. All this means is I’m still in the process of receiving. I need to make sure I’m moving in a way that will allow me to not only accept but also enjoy everything He has planned for me. Each step is just as important as the blessing itself.

I’m teaching myself now to fully allow God to direct every step I take. & it’s the most beneficial risk I’ve ever taken. It’s a deeper investment in myself. I’m learning to move in ways that equip me to accept what’s given to me. I’m learning to perfect my resume before applying for the next chapter of my life. Most importantly, I’m learning to pray to prepare, and not to receive.

“Don’t leave this earth having let everyone use you except God.” -SOJ

Photo via: 5th Phase

-Keilani M Afalava