I came across this quote the other day that really put a lot into perspective..
“Why do you question the actions of a man who makes it seem like you’re hard to love when you don’t love yourself to begin with?”
I know I can speak for many women when I say I related to this more than I wanted to. But I think this is an issue that everyone comes across at least once in our lives.
Everything we do, say, & think is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside of us.
I think I started to see this happen more clearly once I got older. But now that I’m older I can see how people projected their inside negativity onto me clearer as well.
For example.. When I got accepted into UW, it was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life at the time. It was my dream school, and everyone knew how much I wanted to go there.
Once I received my acceptance letter, I cried. It was one of the first times I had ever felt like I accomplished something bigger than acing a test or making the varsity volleyball team. This impacted my future in ways I wasn’t even able to comprehend at the time.
For the first time I could remember, I was proud of myself. I had shared the news with everyone I was closest to, and they all congratulated me… except for a few. Some of my closest friends that I shared everything with, didn’t say one word to me. & I never spoke to them a day after that.
This may seem irrelevant now. But what I learned was something that stuck with me to this day.
When people are not happy with who they are, what they have going, or where they are in their lives, they cannot exude happiness to other people.
I’m guilty of this.
It was hard for me to be happy for my friends in happy, healthy relationships when mine was detrimental and toxic.
It was hard for me to accept the reality that I was indeed a broke college graduate staying with my parents at one point in time while everyone else I graduated with either immediately went on to professional careers or internships.
It was hard for me to look in the mirror and love every part of myself when I admired what I saw on social media.
It was hard for me to accept every flaw I was born with while it seemed everyone around me praised women who didn’t have those flaws.
It was hard for me to understand my worth when my love life was a constant up and down from consistent satisfaction to broken bonds with no closure and unanswered questions.
All this did was birth negativity inside of me. & that was all I had to give.
When people around me were happy with any part in their lives – relationships, professional, friendships, personal – I wasn’t genuinely happy for them. I couldn’t be. What did I have to give them?
I realized that the negativity I was giving out was a direct reflection of what was happening to my soul & my mental. It was filled with nothing but toxicity, disapproval, and unhappiness. That’s all I had to give, and all I was.
Like the law of attraction, people who were bad for me entered my life. Friends who wanted to see me do well, but never better than them. Men who never chose me and were distraught by the next best thing. & people who saw my potential but never supported where I was.
One day, I told myself there was no more room for this type of thinking. I said my goodbyes to anyone who couldn’t be happy for me because they weren’t happy with themselves. I sent well wishes to the men who didn’t value my worth properly. & I whispered to my body, “I love you and all that you are.” My life took a complete 180 at that moment.. and it was for the best.
At the end of the day… You cannot serve from an empty vessel. I can’t give genuine happiness when I’m not happy with who I am. The only person who can fix that is me. And the people I choose to keep in my life should be people who are happy with me and for me, no matter where they are in their lives.
Once I decided to prioritize my happiness, I lost friends, relationships, jobs, and old habits. It’s so far from easy. But it’s necessary for the process. & I now can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. My circle is filled with people who support me wholeheartedly with where I am and who I’m becoming. I’m not involved with any man who does not give me what I deserve. I’m happy with the woman I see in the mirror unapologetically – flaws and all. & because of all of this, great things have happened to me that would not have even been possible without filling my vessel with positivity and self love. & I have myself to thank for that.
Learn to search for the deep-rooted happiness inside of you. I guarantee it’s begging you to come out.
What’s inside your vessel?
“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” -Unknown Author
Photo via: MoodyGrams
-Keilani M Afalava