If you take anything at all from this blog, take away these three things..
- Not all attention is good attention.
- Keep it all the way real with yourself, &
- Find balance.
Does anyone remember when social media wasn’t that big of a thing? I’m only 22, but I actually remember when Twitter just started to become popular, and I remember when Instagram even became a thing. Like I actually remember sitting in my 8th grade class in middle school, and half of the kids in there didn’t even have a phone. Look at 8th graders now, and almost all of them have iPhones and know all the ins and outs of Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram.
Just the other day I saw this meme on Facebook that showed a picture of two girls back to back. The caption read, “14 year olds now versus me at 14.” The picture on the left was a picture of an overweight teenager with frizzy hair and a polo shirt with a stain on it. The picture on the right was a picture of a skinny blonde bombshell with a crop top and a face full of makeup and an obvious push-up bra. I couldn’t tell whether I was mad at the fact that this meme was all the way true, why it was even true at all, or the fact that this picture went viral and legitimately praised the blonde 14 year old girl for simply being everything the other girl wasn’t. Are you kidding me?
I couldn’t help but think of how this applies to females in general. In our everyday lives.
The reason that meme was so true, is because the type of women that society praises embodies the image that 14 year old girl put out. Not only does society praise this type of woman, but men especially. This is the praised “her” …
Think of the baddest female you can – someone who is beautiful solely and only based on her looks. Name her, or describe her in your head. A lot of you might have thought of a celebrity or a well-known woman. Maybe Kylie Jenner, Amber Rose, or some chick you saw on your explore page, some chick you follow, or some chick doing a make-up tutorial on your timeline. Now, let me ask you something.. Why are these women praised? What does she have? Long, healthy hair. Plump lips. Small waist. Thick in the right places. Thin everywhere else. Money. And most of all – attention. Whether it’s fame and paparazzi or likes and comments, she has the attention. And she has a lot of it.
She has this attention, because she purposely shows off what she thinks separates her from other women. Also, because she purposely shows off what attracts men. She shows off what she thinks makes her look better than the next chick, and what will make men want her. But remember what I said in the beginning? Not all attention is good attention.
See, when it comes to females, ask any one of them what they look for in a relationship and most of them will tell you longevity, a man who can respect her/show her off, something having to do with marriage and children at some point, and someone who is simply proud to be with her. Think about this tho.. How do you expect to find any of this if you portray yourself as this praised “her”?
I can’t even blame women completely for this. Because if men were to show more attention to the type of women they actually would put a ring on & take home to their mothers, then this wouldn’t be as big of an issue. The problem is the fact that the women that truly grab their attention are women who are desperate for it. What always ends up happening is he’ll show attention to a certain extent, but he would never wife that type of female. Then she has the audacity to wonder why, when realistically they both are caught up in the hype of a fake reality.
I watched this Steve Harvey clip of two girls who were known to be Instagram models for showing off their bodies all over social media. Their two best friends brought them to Steve Harvey’s show to basically tell them they didn’t have to portray themselves like that. Steve actually did a study with the girls’ pictures and showed them to random men and saw their reactions. Let me tell you, there are men out there who get MUCH more satisfaction saying they messed with this chick or talk to this chick rather than them actually pursuing something with them. It’s actually very, very common. Every single man who saw those pictures said they would never date that girl, but they would have some “fun” with her. Even when the girls saw this, they were upset because they felt they had so much more to offer. The problem is, they don’t really give people much to uncover. I was happy to see that they were forced to keep it real with themselves in order for them to see the problem. & Honestly, every single female should watch this. (I actually linked it below for you all to watch).
Stay true to who you are. It’s absolutely hard to be modest when you know you have the potential to be a good woman and wife someday, but society and the men around you praise this attention-seeking woman with a very little sense of morality. When you’re a good woman, and you carry traits that make you both desirable physically and internally, trust and believe me when I say you absolutely can find that balance. You absolutely can be that desired woman, who men physically are attracted to, but ALSO would put a ring on and take home to their family. Leave the world with something to uncover. & when you find a man who is worth opening up to, he should be the only one to see that.
Keep in mind, not every man is worth seeing you and all you have to offer – internally and especially physically. The praised “her” type of women are women who look for love in all the wrong places – and ways. Most guys want something to show off, which is perfect for the attention-seeking woman. We should never aim to be those females. What are we teaching our young women if we did that? To be like that 14 year old who will grow up never being satisfied with the amount of followers and likes she has? No. Be the wife. Embody the wife. Find that balance of modesty and uncovering for a man who is deserving and wants more than a prize on his arm for a little bit of satisfaction from his corny friends and fake social media life. & in a world full of Kardashians and Amber Rose’s, yes, look up to women like Gabrielle Union and Lauryn Hill. But even in the midst of all these women, be YOU.
“The woman who does not require validation from anyone else, is the most feared woman on the planet.” -Mohadesa Najumi
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last. But a woman who fears the Lord should be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Video: YouTube – Steve Harvey TV
-Keilani M Afalava