The Wife vs. The Praised “Her”

If you take anything at all from this blog, take away these three things..

  1. Not all attention is good attention.
  2. Keep it all the way real with yourself, &
  3. Find balance.

Does anyone remember when social media wasn’t that big of a thing? I’m only 22, but I actually remember when Twitter just started to become popular, and I remember when Instagram even became a thing. Like I actually remember sitting in my 8th grade class in middle school, and half of the kids in there didn’t even have a phone. Look at 8th graders now, and almost all of them have iPhones and know all the ins and outs of Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram.

Just the other day I saw this meme on Facebook that showed a picture of two girls back to back. The caption read, “14 year olds now versus me at 14.” The picture on the left was a picture of an overweight teenager with frizzy hair and a polo shirt with a stain on it. The picture on the right was a picture of a skinny blonde bombshell with a crop top and a face full of makeup and an obvious push-up bra. I couldn’t tell whether I was mad at the fact that this meme was all the way true, why it was even true at all, or the fact that this picture went viral and legitimately praised the blonde 14 year old girl for simply being everything the other girl wasn’t. Are you kidding me?

I couldn’t help but think of how this applies to females in general. In our everyday lives.

The reason that meme was so true, is because the type of women that society praises embodies the image that 14 year old girl put out. Not only does society praise this type of woman, but men especially. This is the praised “her” …

Think of the baddest female you can – someone who is beautiful solely and only based on her looks. Name her, or describe her in your head. A lot of you might have thought of a celebrity or a well-known woman. Maybe Kylie Jenner, Amber Rose, or some chick you saw on your explore page, some chick you follow, or some chick doing a make-up tutorial on your timeline. Now, let me ask you something.. Why are these women praised? What does she have? Long, healthy hair. Plump lips. Small waist. Thick in the right places. Thin everywhere else. Money. And most of all – attention. Whether it’s fame and paparazzi or likes and comments, she has the attention. And she has a lot of it.

She has this attention, because she purposely shows off what she thinks separates her from other women. Also, because she purposely shows off what attracts men. She shows off what she thinks makes her look better than the next chick, and what will make men want her. But remember what I said in the beginning? Not all attention is good attention.

See, when it comes to females, ask any one of them what they look for in a relationship and most of them will tell you longevity, a man who can respect her/show her off, something having to do with marriage and children at some point, and someone who is simply proud to be with her. Think about this tho.. How do you expect to find any of this if you portray yourself as this praised “her”?

I can’t even blame women completely for this. Because if men were to show more attention to the type of women they actually would put a ring on & take home to their mothers, then this wouldn’t be as big of an issue. The problem is the fact that the women that truly grab their attention are women who are desperate for it. What always ends up happening is he’ll show attention to a certain extent, but he would never wife that type of female. Then she has the audacity to wonder why, when realistically they both are caught up in the hype of a fake reality.

I watched this Steve Harvey clip of two girls who were known to be Instagram models for showing off their bodies all over social media. Their two best friends brought them to Steve Harvey’s show to basically tell them they didn’t have to portray themselves like that. Steve actually did a study with the girls’ pictures and showed them to random men and saw their reactions. Let me tell you, there are men out there who get MUCH more satisfaction saying they messed with this chick or talk to this chick rather than them actually pursuing something with them. It’s actually very, very common. Every single man who saw those pictures said they would never date that girl, but they would have some “fun” with her. Even when the girls saw this, they were upset because they felt they had so much more to offer. The problem is, they don’t really give people much to uncover. I was happy to see that they were forced to keep it real with themselves in order for them to see the problem. & Honestly, every single female should watch this. (I actually linked it below for you all to watch).

Stay true to who you are. It’s absolutely hard to be modest when you know you have the potential to be a good woman and wife someday, but society and the men around you praise this attention-seeking woman with a very little sense of morality. When you’re a good woman, and you carry traits that make you both desirable physically and internally, trust and believe me when I say you absolutely can find that balance. You absolutely can be that desired woman, who men physically are attracted to, but ALSO would put a ring on and take home to their family. Leave the world with something to uncover. & when you find a man who is worth opening up to, he should be the only one to see that.

Keep in mind, not every man is worth seeing you and all you have to offer – internally and especially physically. The praised “her” type of women are women who look for love in all the wrong places – and ways. Most guys want something to show off, which is perfect for the attention-seeking woman. We should never aim to be those females. What are we teaching our young women if we did that? To be like that 14 year old who will grow up never being satisfied with the amount of followers and likes she has? No. Be the wife. Embody the wife. Find that balance of modesty and uncovering for a man who is deserving and wants more than a prize on his arm for a little bit of satisfaction from his corny friends and fake social media life. & in a world full of Kardashians and Amber Rose’s, yes, look up to women like Gabrielle Union and Lauryn Hill. But even in the midst of all these women, be YOU.

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone else, is the most feared woman on the planet.” -Mohadesa Najumi

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last. But a woman who fears the Lord should be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Video: YouTube – Steve Harvey TV

Photo: 5thphvse

-Keilani M Afalava



6 thoughts on “The Wife vs. The Praised “Her”

  1. I just want to let you know this is a great post! Its encouraging to see that you’re making changes for yourself while eliminating people and things which increase and encourage “praise” behavior. God Bless you through these tests, valleys & peaks!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on A A O N E X O and commented:
    Keilani never ceases to amaze me w/ her blogs. I’m always anxiously waiting for her to post more. She has a way with explaining exactly how I feel and almost at exactly the same time I’m feeling it. And what astonishes me even more, is her age. Although I’m only four years older than her, I can definitely say that there are not too many 22-year-old’s (that I know at least) who can grasp the amount of struggles that life has to offer and make sense of it all in such an articulate manner. Just by following her work, I feel that I’ve connected w/ her on a level that’s a bit uncanny bc I’ve never even met her let alone even had a conversation with her. But it’s clear as day that she’s undoubtedly one of a kind. Blessed w/ beauty & brains.

    Regarding her post below, I was absolutely taken away. I had been wanting to express my feelings and opinions on this topic but I found myself getting frustrated every time I tried to bc I just couldn’t put it into words. So, I thought I’d try seeking some kind of assistance, if you will, to give me more insight. So last week I asked a friend of mine, “What do guys really think about females who show too much?” And the reason why this topic has been heavy on my mind, is bc I’ve come across tons of females on Instagram, all beautiful and sexy women, and also noticed that they’re all single (at least they portray to be on social media), and it had me wondering why. Why are these gorgeous females single? The first thing that came to mind was the fact that their photos & videos are very provocative, sensual, alluring, etc., I couldn’t help to think that maybe that’s exactly why. Bc men, even though it is a treat for them, they don’t necessarily want their girlfriend/wife to show off their ‘goodies’ to the world. I mean, what sane man would? Not the kind of man I’d be interested in, that’s for sure.

    Anyway, I asked my gay best friend what he thought, and his response was the total opposite of what I just explained above. But to his defense (if you even consider this reason to be justifiable), he’s a very licentious person. His reason for his response was, in his exact words, “My world is different, no shade. I’m part of a community where it’s very promiscuous and just a different vibe.” Obviously insinuating that showing off your goodies is okay but he also said that as long as you’re single, you can do whatever you please. More or less, I agree w/ that to an extent. I get where he’s coming from only bc I’ve witnessed it first hand how dissipated gay men especially are. But all of that is beside the point. I was trying to get a man’s perspective, it was clear that I probably should’ve asked a straight man but what do I know? lol — so he had asked his straight guy friend and his response was, “I’m just saying, if she bad then yeah cause no one would take her serious. I mean I wouldnt honestly. Depends the kind of pics thou. If she over here posting like pics that are like damnn then I would just chill with her or hit her up to smash haha.. The type of girl you hit on the weekdns like “yoooo where you at” or “what you on tonight” hahah” — (no shade to this guy but I got a headache just reading that the first time around lmao) I’m not sure how old this guy is, but either way, it’s exactly what I assumed a man thinks when seeing a woman who shows ‘too much’. She’s labeled as the type of girl who’s only relevant for “good” time.

    Anyway, Keilani explains this topic to the very T. And I, honestly, could not have said it any better. It was executed PERFECTLY. Kudos my dear! Enjoy…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow, I don’t even have the words to thank you for what you wrote and for reblogging! ❤️ this piece was really personal for me, because I used to be like those women. It took a lot of me facing myself and realizing that that’s not how I want to portray myself to truly change from the inside out. At the end of the day, we aren’t just going to never take a good picture of ourselves again. It’s impossible. But it’s the image we portray that directly represent the people we are and the people we are going to be in the future. Thank you for reading and posting beautiful! May God continue to bless you in everything you do! 💕

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I love that you can share your experience(s) in hopes to help our younger girls and all women who have and/or is currently going thru this. It always amazes to see how many of us face the same struggles & we feel that we’re alone yet there are thousands of ppl, millions even, who feel the same. I can tell you that I was definitely (and still am) on the opposite end of the spectrum bc I truly have the lowest self esteem, so posting photos of myself, of my body actually, has never been a pastime for me. I’m still working on self love. I’m getting there! (kudos to your “I Choose Me” post might I add). If you’ve ever wondered if you’ve made a difference, pls believe me when I say that you have, are and will! God bless you, hun.


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