Why I Stayed

I just never thought it would happen to me. I always heard about it. But never in my life did I think I would be involved with it.

I’ve suffered from anxiety. I’ve suffered from a low self-esteem. I’m a helper. I’m a giver (often times too much). I’m a fighter. And I love very, very hard. I was the perfect candidate for this. I was the victim of a domestic violence relationship.

I fell in love with an absolute monster. A manipulative, controlling, beautifully terrifying monster.

It’s so easy for people to say, “If that were me, I would leave in a heartbeat.” or… “I wish a guy would try to put his hands on me.” and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t one of those people before.

But let’s clear this up right here. Until you’re actually in it, you have absolutely no idea whatsoever. Abusers are manipulative. They give unpredictable reactions to everything they don’t necessarily agree with, create unreasonable expectations that you will NEVER be able to satisfy, blame everyone but themselves for their problem, make excuses for their terrible behavior, force their victim to isolate themselves to become emotionally dependent on him, assume and literally make up stories in their head that eventually get them even angrier, minimize their abuse as if it is okay, clearly don’t know how to control their anger, play the victim, and unintentionally sabotage every relationship because of all of this.

Every characteristic I just listed, I have at least 2-3 prime examples for when it comes to my last relationship.

But the reason I stayed, obviously wasn’t because of all of these. It was because of a combination of manipulation, apology, and love. He manipulated me every time to think everything was going to change. He would go to counseling. He was never going to put his hands on me again. He apologized, almost to the point where he was in tears. every. single. time. He lied. And on top of all of this, I fell in love with him.

Aside from that monster, he was everything I ever dreamed of since I was a little girl up until the day I met him. When things were good, they were amazing. We were like a normal couple when that monster didn’t come out. He was my best friend. I was completely myself around him, and had no shame in my flaws. He accepted me for who I was (when he wasn’t a monster). But I fell in love with his potential. And that’s what’s the scariest part about all of this. My love for him immediately placed him on a pedestal that I honestly don’t know if he will ever be able to be on, unless he truly wants it for himself. I felt in my heart that he could change. I wanted to push him to change. I wanted him to be what I saw him to be, but he didn’t even see that. And that’s why things got ugly.

The depiction the media portrays of domestic violence relationships is very unrealistic. Typically, the storyline is that the man beats his wife, she finds a way to get out, gets revenge, and she goes on to live a happy life. That’s a lie. All of it. Domestic violence relationships are HARD for the victim to leave, because of how manipulating the abuser is. In my situation, and many others’ as well, this is the cycle… Things are great when you first meet and begin dating. Then, something happens. He might throw something at you, punch the wall, storm off and get angry, whatever. Then the next day he comes back and apologizes. So you’re good again. Then he gets angry again, does something a little more physical, then apologizes and you guys are good again. It’s good, then it gets worse. That’s the cycle.

A lot of people ask me why I stayed even after the first incident. And it’s pretty embarrassing to say I stayed through everything I did. I’ve been thrown to the concrete multiple times, had my head thrown on the ground, beaten out of my sleep until I had bruises I needed to cover up at my job, choked, kicked, burned by his hand rubbing so deep into my skin, had my face pressed into until I had black and blue covering the whole left side of my face, beaten through a pillow so my bruises wouldn’t show.. And it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing to have everyone at my job question me about what is going on. We were always stared at in public by strangers when he would have an episode. We’ve been kicked out of clubs because he would punch my stomach and a security guard would see it. But it was all my fault why I made him do that, or become that angry. There was something wrong with me to make him act that way. I ended up believing it myself. And it’s just embarrassing.

But I held on, because I saw something so different in him. Everyone knows when you’re in a relationship and you love someone, it isn’t easy to leave them. And even if you say it is, it isn’t. So with this situation I held on to the fact that every time he apologized, things would be really good between us. He was going to change to be the man I saw him to be. He would actually attempt to search for counseling. He would love me, compliment me, do things that he didn’t do before to keep me right where he wanted me. And that’s why I did what I did, why I stayed.

And a lot of what comes with physical abuse is extreme verbal, mental, and emotional abuse as well. He called me literally every name in the book – EVERY SINGLE NAME IN THE BOOK. He tore my spirit and little self-esteem I had down until I felt like I wasn’t even worth the dirt underneath his shoe. If I were to think of the worst thing I could say to someone, he said something 100 times worse. He made me believe I was never going to be good enough for him or anyone, because he wasn’t good with himself. He made me think the absolute worst of myself. And let me tell you, the bruises, scratches, body aches, those will go away with time. But the scars he left on my brain, thought process, and heart, those scars will remain for a long, long time. Because they were literally, that bad. And I began to believe that I was worth absolutely nothing.

I entered a state of depression. My grades slipped tremendously to the point where I wasn’t on track to graduate for my fall and winter quarter of my senior year of college. I wasn’t able to go to work because I was a hysterical mess covered in new bruises every week. I lost 40 pounds in a matter of weeks. I wasn’t able to eat, sleep, or even think straight because I had such bad anxiety and was terrified for my life at times. I didn’t see my family. I didn’t hang out with my friends. I would have to show proof of my log out from work and screen shots of people who would try to talk to me just so he would believe I wasn’t “doing anything.”

That was the thing though, I really didn’t do anything. I was faithful. I was loyal. I loved him, with every single part of my life and my heart. I loved him hard and had no shame in it. I gave him everything I had. I gave him a place to stay rent-free. I put clothes on his back, food in his mouth, shoes on his feet. I lied to police so he wouldn’t get arrested, his school so he wouldn’t get kicked out, his coach so he wouldn’t get kicked off the team, both of our parents and friends so they would think everything was okay. I didn’t even know who I was anymore, because I gave my life up for him. But it was never, ever, enough for him.

I’d be lying if I said I knew during all of this that it wasn’t right. I would try to talk to my friends about it and it would literally break them down into tears. But he would get angry if I talked to them about our problems. I began to not talk to them over text messages, and only in person. I also only mentioned things that I knew wouldn’t be bad to tell them. Sugarcoated everything so they would think we were just going through “normal couple stuff.” But they saw right through that. So, they did something.

My mom randomly asked me to meet with her one day, so I did. She began to talk to me about some family issues, but then my sister shows up and noticed the bruise on my face. Conversations quickly took a turn from family meeting to “it’s time to get out.”

With the help of my mom and sister, I was finally able to get out. And I genuinely cannot thank God enough for that miracle and blessing, because I could have ended up dead at some point.

Looking back, I think why I and many women stay in relationships like this isn’t because we don’t see what’s wrong with it, because we do. But because we are insecure with ourselves, and that makes us an easy target for abusers like them. They have someone they are able to control. But this just showed me that I have things I also need to work on myself.

I love him, of course. That won’t change. But I’m learning to love him from a distance now. I can only pray that he gets the help he needs. And studies have shown that we would not be able to be in a healthy and safe relationship while he gets that help, so I am literally left with no other choice but to part ways. My focus has severely shifted to myself now. I’m going to counseling, getting back into church (where I haven’t been for 3 years), living with my parents so I have good vibes daily, surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about my well-being and love me, and taking action in the DV community at my school and in other programs to speak out to victims of this terrible situation. And I can honestly say I am already feeling a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I’m finally getting my life back.

Might sound crazy, but I find beauty in all of this. I promised myself I’m going to use this to better myself as a person, and perfect the woman I am going to be for another man someday. But I also want to use this story to be an advocate for women like me. We’re unfortunately out there, and there are a HUGE number of us, sadly. But I promise you, if I can get out, you can too. You have to force yourself to pull that inner strength out and prioritize it tremendously. And I promise you will come out even stronger and greater than before. Loving yourself sometimes means letting some people you love go, so you have more room to love yourself. Don’t let anyone get in the way of this, and when you are FULLY ready to be in a relationship then be in one. But take time to perfect the woman God made you to be. Be great. You can.

“Through all of this, I love you. I’ll be here for you if you need me. But you need to determine how you are going to change your life for the better, because I can’t continue to be here making that decision for you. So, I wish you the best.”

“Don’t look for projects, look for people.”

“Jesus weeps with you. You are never alone.”

-Keilani M. Afalava


58 thoughts on “Why I Stayed

  1. Love you so much babes ! 😘 You are so not alone it’s so good that you are writing this for others who may be going though the same thing. When most look at you they only see a pretty face it’s so good you have the confidence to speak up !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love you so much. This is what makes you an amazing person. You strive for greatness no matter what happens. Stay strong babe it’ll all be worth it. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve always adored you so much Kei. I’m so glad you shared this and things are getting better. It’s crazy the things you would never know but my prayers are continuously with you love. ❤️🙏🏾

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t know you. Don’t even know how you look like. But my friends, who are an awesome couple, shared this on fb and I read the entire thing. You just reminded me of what I went through in my past relationship before I found someone special and got married. I know this is all true. I’ve been there and I too was one who said, I would never let a man do that to me. But, you never really know until you’re in it. Thank you for standing up and standing out. Please let me know when you speak at programs to help others. I’d love to come and share my story as well. I’m so glad Ive been through it because it helped to not want to be in it. God bless your heart. God bless your mom, sister and best friend. Those are the exact people we need in this life. People who care, love and want to help. I love you with the love of God sister.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words touched my heart. Thank you so entirely much. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through this and I will definitely contact you if I ever get to speak in-person about my story. Praising God you found true love in the midst of all of this! Sending all my love your way as well. ❤️


  5. Tears. I love you baby girl. I never would’ve imagined something like this would be going on in your life. My heart hurts reading this. You are an inspiration to our family. A true Blessing. You’re WORTH…EVERY…MOMENT. You hear me! Every moment. I love you.

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  6. This is everything. You’re an amazing person and one of the strongest women I’ve ever known! Continue to turn your pain into strength. You’re doing great! I love you and I got you! ❤️

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  7. My sweet Lani, it just broke my soul to read about all the abuse u endured at the hands of the Man u loved. I want to hurt him so bad!! I am so,so sorry sweetie that aunty wasn’t there during this time and so many other times in ur life that u’ve been hurt and needed help in 1 way or another. I love u baby girl and I promise to be there for u from now on 100% . Please forgive me !, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to u. I thank our heavenly father for bringing u home safely and giving u the strength to leave and not turn back. I know it’s hard when ur heart is invested even when u know it’s not a healthy relationship. I’ll pray for u tonight and always sweetie…❤ Aunty Helen😘


  8. ❤️
    Keilani thank you for sharing your story. I wasn’t even half way done and I’m crying reading this. People will share your story and it will touch so many lives. You were always a strong person and please continue to do what you do. Your story is a living testimony and God got you out of it! I’ll be keeping you in my prayers sis. Love you and GOD BLESS 😘


    1. Thank you so much for writing this. My mother was recently killed by my father after leaving a DV relationship. They had been married 43 years. It took her being killed to realize that I, too, was abused for my entire life. He never laid a hand on either of us, but emotional and verbal abuse is so real. So, your story was especially salient for me in that aspect. I am so happy for you that you got out safely. I wish you the best, and thanks again for sharing this with all of us – even strangers like myself.


      1. I am so so deeply sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you and your family tremendously & I send my deepest condolences. I learned very quickly that verbal and mental abuse is just as bad as physical, so I absolutely understand. I am so happy you are learning that this is all too real and it isn’t okay by any means. I’m even happier to know my story touched you the way it did. My heart goes out to you! I will pray for you and I promise you are much stronger than you think. May your beautiful mother rest in peace. ❤️


  9. I never imagined that something like this could happen to someone so beautiful and to you..I am so sorry Keilani that someone you trusted and loved could have hurt you this way..Your story will help alot of other girls and women who are facing the same things today..I love you Keilani, especially for your strength, you are a survivor and you will overcome….Love you, aunty Mary…


  10. This absolutely touched my heart. I’m so sorry for what you have been put through, and it is so courageous for you to share your story with the world. I’m certain your words will impact the lives of many women who are in a similar situation.

    While I myself haven’t been in a violent relationship, my mother, sister and many friends unfortunately have. From what they’ve shared with me, I learned that relationships like this are much, much more complicated than what people see or hear. But the way you’ve explained it made it so much more clear to me. Bravo to you for your courage and generosity. This literally gave me goosebumps.

    While I don’t know you personally, my heart goes out to you and I thank you again for sharing your story with us. I know you’re going to make such a big difference to many lives.

    Stay strong and beautiful ❤️ You deserve to be with a man that treats you like the amazing woman I’m sure you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you thank you thank you beautiful! It’s very unfortunate how common this phenomenon is, but I just want to use myself and my story to change the future for the better. I am thankful for your kind message & sweet words more than you ever know. Please continue to stay beautiful! & know I appreciate this so so much! ❤️


  11. You are and always have been a beautiful soul inside and out. The way you have handled all trials and tribulations that have crossed your path is truly admirable. As a best friend, I know when you love, you love with everything in you. For you to not receive the same in return hurts my heart. However I couldn’t be more proud of how you have handled this situation. I couldn’t be more proud that you have learned from this and allowed it to better yourself and to be of a leading example to those around you. The strength you show through your words alone I have the utmost respect for. The future that is ahead of you is BRIGHT. Continue to shine baby girl. I love you more than you could ever imagine.


  12. You got this baby girl. You have a heart of gold as long as I could remembered.. When you were a little girl, you always like to share your snacks with Tj, your mom knows..that’s why i know you will be alright.. you’re beautiful inside and outside, you’re story will save a lot of young ladies out there who’s going through with the same situation.. We love you


  13. As a man, I weep for the pain you endured. As a brother, I’m angry for the wrong that you have endured. As a father, I am hopeful that my daughter will grow with the compassion and maturity beyond your years that you have shown. You will make a wonderful wife and mother someday, I’m glad it wasn’t in that relationship. HUGS


  14. Lani auntie loves you with all my heart. I’m furious about this and want to rip him apart in pieces. My heart hurts and got tears in my eyes because I wouldn’t never thought something like this was happened to my baby girl you are a beautiful soul and strong young lady that got many things to accomplish in this world, and you have showed us over and over again that there is nothing or nobody that’s going to stand in your way. You are beautiful in every way your heart you’re soul that continue making Mom and Dad proud of you and everyone around you. When you walk in the room you brighten the room like a bright Sun that makes everyone smile we all love you and don’t you ever think you’re alone. We are just one phone call away 1 small drive away just know you’re worth every minute every second every hour.

    I love you to the Moon and back in just know that you got beautiful and amazing things coming your way remember that you’re worth it don’t you ever forget that babygirl xoxoxo Te amo


  15. Lani,
    I’m a friend of your fathers and have been to a couple of your birthday parties when you were younger. You have always been such a beautiful and sweet girl and I am very sorry that you have had to suffer the pain of this experience. You will soon realize that you are among a very large group of women and men who have either suffered at the hands and/or verbal and emotional of an abuser.
    I am so thankful you made it out safely and am even more thankful you have chosen to share your story. Your words and insight are powerful and even if it touches one life and spares one person from the same suffering and pain it will be enough.

    I will be sharing your story with others and will continue to keep you in prayer. Thank you for your transparency. God is going to use you in a mighty way!


  16. Deeply moved by your story.. My heart goes out to you dear. I’m glad you’ve made it thru. I can totally relate to the ‘cycles’. My best friend was in one such.
    I don’t understand how some men can be so heartless. I pray when Karma hits, she brings one big fat hammer!


  17. i can relate so much in terms of “Why I Stayed” remark.. The stories that i know of may be a little different but yes, they all had an objective to serve.. I know many of my friends who have done this… thanks for sharing… i wish peace to everyone


  18. Lani,
    Thank you for sharing your story, so transparently. So many are being encouraged by your bravery. I’m sorry this has to be your testimony, but am so encouraged that you are using it to empower others. Sharing now, in hopes that it helps one more get out.


  19. I know, dear, I know. From the depths of my heart, I wish I didn’t.I’ve been married to mine for thirty-five years. I left him once, took the babies and fled, my aunt and uncle moving me just a block away. Ours started as his drinking, his anger, his lying. The money disappeared so I worked harder and harder. What brought me back to him? Stupidity, debt, not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life.

    My mother and father had an abusive relationship. He was the volcano, she was the hut on the side of the volcano. It hurt all of us. My older brother, my younger brother, my little sister. My younger brother abused for years and none knew. His was an outsider. A MAN/BOY love proclaimer that used my parents against him. It tore what was left of the family apart and caused more anger between my folks.

    I married the only man who proclaimed he needed me. After four years I fled. I was back six months later, determined that his kids would grow well. He did and does okay for times. Then the yelling begins. After 25 years of married, he saw something in me. I was the weak one for the first time. I hate that he feels pity for me. My daughter bearded him in the lion cage. She put him straight about what was not appropriate. She still wants me to leave but quietly so her relationship isn’t damaged. She loves him. She married a fun, quiet man who dotes on her every word. She learned that at least.

    When I finally got through, his abuse was replaced by my daughter in laws. I have no medical or financial support if I leave. MS, Type 2 Diabetes and now diagnosed with a soft tissue disorder and a bone degenerative disease, there isn’t any way I can afford to have a roof over my head. I can’t go home to my mother. My sister would manage me out of existence. My brothers don’t believe me.

    You were wise to listen to your mom and your sister. You were wise to come out in defense of yourself.

    How do I survive? my two dogs, my cat, an editor who has learned more than he should. I turned my heart off years ago. I am pleasant but leave the room if I am uncomfortable. I hide in my own soul praying I can finish writing a book that will give me freedom.

    After all of this time, he decided he wants me happy. He’s been cautious for two years now. My health means I may not make it longer and he doesn’t want me to go, to die, to leave.

    I know how hard it is to leave. All I can say is, “Don’t go back. Not even…Just don’t go back.”
    You are young where I am entering my end chapters. Don’t do what I did for any reason. Look ahead, stay with your therapy, and be careful how close you let people before you know them. If an alarm sounds, listen to it.


  20. Oh, you are too, too right about this. The element of love a person can feel will hold you hostage to screaming terrors just for the times that the monster will hold your hand and kiss you sweetly. That, by the way, is true love-defying the urge to do something hurtful in favor of being sweet and gentle and good. I’m so sorry to know you’ve been through this, but I’m glad to know you got out.


  21. I honestly have never read an article before that I felt as if we’re my own thoughts. This is the best way to describe how a domestic violent relationship feels. I grew up watching my ex step father beating and verbally abusing my mother. It was terrifying to watch and hear. But after 13 years my mother finally broke free. Then when I was 13, I meant a boy. I felt as if he completed me. I loved him so much more then I ever loved myself. He destroyed every shred of me, and created whatever he wanted in its place. He made him my only and whole life. We dated all 4 years of high school, he was physically violent specially when he was jealous. And he was jealous often, but it’s the verbal and emotional abuse that destroyed me. Then one day I went to his house walked in his room, and he informed me he no longer loved me. That’s it, he just didn’t love me. He isolated me, and then abandoned me. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I barely survived this, my mother had to hold me at night to sleep. It hurt for years I suffered. Before I knew it he had moved on, and making matters worst she was one of my best friends. So there went another piece of me he stole and made me feel worthless, I had nothing left. Yet I painted him in mind as my soul mate as my knight and shining armor. People said I was crazy, he was awful how could I feel that way. I have know words to explain why I felt the way I did. It’s like he literally laid thoughts in my brain and they spread like wildfire. I let him take over every part of me. It’s not over, five years later his ex, my ex friend call it quits. Guess why he gets popped for assault, he beat her in front of their kids police were called and charges were pressed. Yet silly me, couldn’t wait to give him a second chance. At first things were perfect, he was wonderful I had never imagined it could be so good it was better then any of my fantasies with him. Then it took a turn for the worst, I wasn’t the same little girl he known before and his expectations were outrages I couldn’t take it. I become a nut, he literally had me pulling my hair out. I couldn’t be that person, but yet he fouls keep me up all night threatening to kill himself. Saying I was basically the one killing him. He couldn’t loose me again. That’s something considering he abandoned me before. It got so bad to the point where one night he trapped me on the bed, put a knife in my hand and pressed it to his wrist. Threatening to do it right there in our bed using my hand. My mom seen the drastic change in my behavior I was withdrawn and quite frankly broken. She said you don’t have to be with him, I said I do he will die without me. That was all it took next thing you know my whole family was behind me and I was able to leave him. I wish that’s where my story ended. Flash forward about 3 years, I’ve moved on I was engaged and happy, when I see this article on Facebook. Theirs his face and it’s his mug shot. I start to feel a welt in my throat and a sting in my eyes. I ask my mother to read the article outloud, as she starts to read I loose the feeling in my legs and fall too my knees. Here he was in jail for attempted murder, he nearly killed his girlfriend. He drug her through the woods and choked her with belt until she was unconscious it went on for hours until he finally calmed down and took her home. She went to the police the next day. For the next several months I had nightmares I felt like I had personally been there I imagined every detail because I knew who he was and how he worked. Then ultimately something shifted. This is how extreme mental abuse is, I had moved on got engaged, moved out of state, knew he was in jail and for why but I was still infected with him. I justified his behavior saying He never did anything that bad to me, saying she must of done something to him. So I reached out to his family who I’d always be close too and before you knew it I was writing him in prison confessing my forever love. He didn’t write me back, however he told his mom exactly wanted he knew I would need to hear to be all his all over again. So I left my current relationship, and moved 500 miles back home dreaming of being with him. I waited several months until he got out of jail. (Yeah he only served a little under a year for almost killing someone) most not all charges had been dropped. This was the worst time for me, I literally gave him everything I had left and he ripped me apart. That was it I snapped, I broke. I had a nervous breakdown, I had nothing left. I lost a whole week of my life didn’t eat for days. Lost like 25 pounds in just a few short weeks. I was so manic he destroyed all that was me!! Then he abandoned me again saying he was in love with his ex, I couldn’t breathe without pain. Next thing you know I was doing drugs just to numb the pain then the pain was numb. I felt nothing and I don’t remember much after that except my friend pulling off the ground out of woods taking the knife from my hand and shaking me saying you can’t and won’t do this. There I was lost alone and going to end my life for someone who didn’t care if I lived or died. I had reached my breaking point I was done so I thought. For two months I did not talked to him and I moved back out of state with my family. I was doing okay and I hadn’t heard from him, then one day his mom messages me and says can I call you, so she does we talk she tells me he’s back in jail because his ex said things that weren’t true about him and that he attacked her again. ( who knows if it was true) Then once again he takes over my mind, without even speaking to me. Just a week later he calls me and pulls me back in, soon my whole family decides to move back home. And I just run to his arms, back to the abuse hurt and pain. My family hated it and tried to talk me out of it, nothing worked. Then he just meant someone new and I wasn’t worth his time. That was almost 2 years ago. I was finally free. I suffered for months. Then something just snapped in me. A sigh of relief, I was finally free. I meant someone new and he is amazing. I’m healthy, we’re healthy. I’m honestly not sure if I’m ever safe from him and his control but I know I will try everything in my power to never go there again.


  22. I don’t know you but I do know your Uncle Roy. I’m so sorry you went through all of this but I’m glad that you are out and making a impact on other people’s lives. Your story brought tears to my eyes and reminded me how God kept his hands on my Mom and us when I was growing up. My mother also went through a lot of abuse and I remember having to dodge bullets from a gun when I was just a teenager because of the abuse. Thank God for his mercies and for you sharing your story. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.


  23. Women have to band together where we can. Your story here has helped so many others. The way I survive, is to stop him. First motion, first word, and I use the word Stop. this isn’t right. And now that I am sick, he has to take me to my doctor. The doctor is awesome, and has helped him a lot, but won’t accept bad behavior from him. So counting now, life is better. I can’t tell you how I stopped my daughter in law. But that’s ended too. We’ll see.


  24. I read this whole article and when I got to the end and saw your name, I had no idea it was you. I met you a couple times from Angele and at a couple parties, and you’re always so happy, always smiling and so sweet, I admire that about you. I am sorry that you had to go through this.

    What brings me here is I saw your post shared on Facebook a couple weeks back and I read the first couple sentences and bookmarked this exact blog for when I really needed something to relate to and open my eyes up, and I found this. This explains what I go through perfectly. From the sugarcoating, to the “when things are good, they’re REALLY good”, to being manipulated so much to think it’s normal. It’s just so comforting to know that the things I experience is not isolated, there is nothing I am going through that nobody understands, because it isn’t just me. It’s happened to people before, and it’s something I need to use to get myself out of a situation that’s so painful.

    Thanks for writing this girly. God Bless! xoxo


  25. That was a tough read, but definitely a necessary one. Your story is your light…make sure to shine it on the world when the time is right. Not only to further liberate yourself, but to empower others alike – your mana. God Bless and Keep you always


  26. My heart literally breaks for you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I’ve always known you to be so sweet, beautiful, and independent. I hope you haven’t lost sight of all that. All my love 💕


  27. This really hit home … You are beautiful and so strong to share this story….I admire your strength and courage on helping others. I send My prayers and blessings your way. A lot of Women keep this pain in and suffer from anxiety and depression, because they don’t know how to let these situations go … But when you finally free yourself from the negitivity it feels so good. The man up above has a plan he is our guidance.. give your all to him .. The day I did I promise you he never left my side and everyday gives me strength to keep moving forward ❤️🙏🏽 We need more women like you K …… and to the ones we have to leave behind they also need peope like ourselves with big hearts too teach them how to Love .. but like you said sometimes you have to love from a distance 😘😘😘😘


  28. My daughter. Hanna, is a friend of yours. You have helped her so much and I am so grateful to you for that.
    And I am so glad you for our. I’m so glad you’re here to tell your story. And, woman to woman, I am so very proud of you.
    Thank you for getting your truth out there to our women. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sherrie, Hanna is such a beautiful young woman and I am more than happy to help her in any way I can. Thank you for raising such a beautiful soul & for being one as well. ❤️ I’m always here whenever you guys need me!


  29. So much to say…I appreciate this post from one domestic abuse survivor to the next. It’s easy to make remarks being on the outside looking in. But it takes time before you realize that YOU yourself are actually in that relationship. You are THAT woman and he is THAT man that you never thought you would be. After 7 years and 3 kids I finally made it out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so happy to hear you’re not in that situation anymore. Although I do know the healing process can be ongoing, your strength is enough inspiration for people to hear and for victims to understand/have hope as well. Thank you so much for reading ❤️


  30. You told my life story. I too am a battered woman. Unfortunately my abuser is my husband, and my family is too far away to help me. I was also that woman that said this would never happen to me, I wish a man would lay his hands on me. I’m the tough one of the family. But these last 2 years I’ve realized I’m weaker than I thought. It’s hard to look in the mirror and realize you don’t recognize the person looking back at you. I praise and admire you for being able to find the strength to get out. Please pray for me to find the same strength. Thank you for writing this.


    1. I don’t know who you are, but I can promise you there’s a way out of this. Please remember you are so much stronger than you think you are. If you need any help with resources please don’t hesitate to contact me. & I will definitely be keeping you in constant thought and prayer. Please don’t dim your light love. ❤️


  31. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I have shared this with my agency CSN and we help DV, and SA woman and men all over Washington your story will help so many.


  32. Thank God for your Mom and sister and getting you out of there!! I love this!!

    My abuser showed his true colors a few months after we tied the knot.. children are involved now and they have witnessed some incidents which I tried to keep from happening but he’s too strong for me to control of course.
    As for my family nearby, I’m the 2nd oldest .. and the only ones near me are my youngest siblings.. I refuse to go to them about any of my problems, as a older sister I feel like they are still watching me and I need to be that role model for them.. which I think I’m already failing on because now my little sister is in almost the same situation and yet she don’t know about my marriage..

    What advice would you give to keep mine a secret from her and better hers?


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